She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
