my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
be right there i have to get my cape
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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