I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
