i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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