I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
