Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
