singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
