I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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