It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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