You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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