My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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