Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
