turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
