I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
