Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
