Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
