i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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