I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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