I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
