your thong is hanging out like whoa
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
