I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
