'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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