The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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