Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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