Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
