i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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