Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
