My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
