so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
