It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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