Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
