i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
