And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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