you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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