I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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