I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
