Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
