the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
