why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
