There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
