so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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