There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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