He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
