I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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