This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
