I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want a musical about memes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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