Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
