i just had sex bonerless
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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