I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize