I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
