I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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