You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
