I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i will never coherently bang her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
