Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
