Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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