Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
