If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
