she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
