You're my little dorito
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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