every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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