i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
