I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
