I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
