First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
