The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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