I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
