The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
