I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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