But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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