I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
