So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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