I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
