he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
