I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
