I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
