I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
