I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
