She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
