i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
