You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
