I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
