Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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