Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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