I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am one with the molecules
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
