Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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