i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
