worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
