omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
