Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
