You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
