I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
